Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
