is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
