im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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