You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
