I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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