I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
