I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
