when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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