I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
