i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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