Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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