Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
