My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
