Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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