I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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