Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I AM VODKA MAN
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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