so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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