actually, I'm a sock model
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
