i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Say something about gay babies.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
