Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
