I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
