how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
