I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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