Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
