dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
