I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
