i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
