I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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