I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
