Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
