He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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