Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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