Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
