AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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