She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
