I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
