I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
