When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think your dad took our porno
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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