Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how drunk are you?
Several
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
