i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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