I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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