I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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