so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
