VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want her autograph on my taint
Less talking, more tequila
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
