only if we run a train.
done.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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