i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
