nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
