if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
