The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
