He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
