What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
