If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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