so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
