were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
