Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
