In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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