the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
