so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
