He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
