you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i think we sleep fucked last night...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
