Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
im on a boat
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